The Social Dilemma: the insiders tell us what we're up against
When the people who built the system won’t let their kids near it… maybe we should listen.
First, the setup.
We often talk about “getting teens off their screens” like it’s a matter of willpower. If they just had more discipline, or if we just made better rules, the problem would sort itself out.
But what if the problem isn’t them?
What if the problem is the system? A system so dangerous that people who designed it won’t let their own kids near it?
What’s surveillance capitalism, and why should we care?
At the core of the tech business model is this:
Keep you online so that they can sell your attention.
Everything your teen (and you and I) do online is tracked, stored, and sold.
There are rooms of engineers building and fine-tuning this collection system, learning about our every move to prime the algorithm to hit our sweet spot, time and time again. Tech companies profit from everything you do, think, and feel, tracking it 24/7 and using it to predict your next move.
Every one of your teens’ interests is converted into an advertising opportunity. Their attention (screen time) is sold to the highest bidder. They’re bombarded with ‘buy this’, ‘you need to look like this’, ‘you need to have this to be cool’ thousands of times a day.
Tech doesn’t trade in apps. It trades in humans.
And teens? They’re premium stock.
The algorithm doesn’t care if your teen is tired, anxious, or overwhelmed.
It has three jobs:
Engagement – Keep them scrolling
Growth – Get them to invite friends
Revenue – Monetise every second with ad dollars
That’s it.
Everything is designed to maximise these outcomes: the likes, the filters, the infinite scroll. It’s all engineered to hijack human nature, to addict us, and it's working.
“There are only two industries that call their customers ‘users’: illegal drugs and software.” — Edward Tufte
You’re not just using tech. It’s using you.
Here’s what The Social Dilemma makes so clear:
We’re being manipulated on a mass scale.
We’re literally being engineered by “growth hackers” whose job is to exploit our psychology. To feed our fears. To hook us in with the right kind of bait. To make us want more even when we feel worse.
Tristan Harris reminds us:
“These weren’t designed by child psychologists trying to protect and nurture children. They were designed to make algos really good at recommending the next video, or photo with a filter on it.”
It’s all persuasion and manipulation dressed up as connection.
What about our kids?
Gen Z is the first generation to get social media in middle school.
They’ve never known a world without the scroll.
And now they’re living in a world where:
Their attention is a commodity
Their sleep is sacrificed
And their sense of self is shaped by an algorithm feed
No parent ever said, “I want my kid to feel manipulated, distracted, addicted, and less able to do homework or sleep.”
But here we are.
Even the people who built these platforms now say:
“My kids don’t use social media at all.”
Alex Roetter Former Senior VP of Engineering at Twitter
“We’re zealots about it. We’re crazy. And we don’t let our kids have really any screen time.”
Tim Kendall CEO of Moment; Former Director of Monetization at Facebook; Former President of Pinterest
They know what they created.
Checkmate on humanity
Sounds dramatic? That’s because it is.
One of the film’s most haunting claims?
“There’s a point where technology overpowers human weakness—and that’s where addiction, outrage, and manipulation begin.”
We’re at that point.
The threat isn’t tech itself.
It’s tech’s ability to amplify the worst parts of us.
So, where does that leave us?
It’s a bleak picture. But like all the world’s problems, we can only do our part right on our doorstop. In this case, in our home.
But let’s get clear on what we’re dealing with.
This isn’t a teen problem.
It’s not a parenting fail.
It’s a system-level manipulation machine.
And the more we see it, the better our chance of stepping out of it—together.
Jonathan Haidt closes the documentary with his advice for families:
All devices out of the bedroom at a fixed time every night
No social media until high school
Work out a time budget with your kid.
He reassures us that most kids are pretty reasonable when it’s a discussion.
And that’s where REAL HAPPY comes in.
Every book I’ve read says this needs collective action. We need to support each other in changing our habits and standing up against the machine.
In my lived experience, I’ve only kicked addictions when I’ve had peer support. The fellowship of being in it together is what made the difference. So, I’m creating a community and peer-group/family-group design for living, that gives us a screen-life balance.
We‘ll start by becoming aware of what screen time is doing to our attention, our children, and our sense of self.
We’ll model a better way.
We’ll build a toolkit that helps families (and educators) change for the better together.
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This is an attention rebellion.
Thank you for choosing REAL.
Suze x
This is so freaking scary and you explain it so well.
This sums it all: "Keep you online so that they can sell your attention."
I agree that it needs collective action. Wonder how the ban in Australia will go and the impact it will have.
Thank you for talking and writing about such an important topic.